Words Are All We Have

Time has left me unsure.

I don't know anything anymore.

How to act, how to think.
How to choose the right words so that you'll know exactly what I mean.

I once heard
'We can only communicate with words,
And words often fail to communicate.'
And if this is true,
Which I know it is,
How do I even stand a chance at getting you to understand me?

Everything about me that you don't know has made me what I am.

Because you see this isn't new for me,
I know how this ends,
I know how this will make me feel,
Good and bad.

But I'm scared,

All the boys who threw me to the ground with their words,
Those boys, so clearly communicating that I was not worth loving,
And when their words failed to communicate,
They weren't afraid to use their fists.

I am fully aware of the fact that I am damaged goods.
But how can I explain that to you?
How can I explain how fragile I am without sounding like I'm wrong.
I know my flaws…
I know what I'm like when I'm locked alone in my room.

But don't misunderstand me,
I'm trying, I'm getting better, I promise you.
If you'd have known me back then, you wouldn't have looked at me twice.
Back then I had no words.
But I'm getting better, I promise you.

I'm getting better.

If I start to really fall, dare I say it, in love…with you,
I want every moment to feel like rediscovering something beautiful,
I want every touch to be filled with electricity and hope,
I want every kiss to make me want to never stop kissing you,
I want you, to brush my hair away from my face and smile and tell me that everything was worth it.
And that I am worth it.

I'm scared.

Because what if I can't find the words,
What if they gush from my heart but dry and crumble and fall to dust in my mouth,
And then you'll never know.
My words will be lost.

If my hands shake like my body trembles under your touch,
Will I be able to fight this overwhelming fear that you might never love me?
And you will prove that I am not worth it.


With one breath…

Words are all I have.