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November 30, 2010
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Tonight I thought I'd write something.
Anything.

Anything…

Something about anything.

But blankness seeps through my brain,
Words can't adequately express what's going through my head.
Though to be perfectly honest,
I don't think I know what's going through my head.
It's all a mess, tangled, disappointing.

Nothing is ever simple.
I'm fed up of drama…
I'd like to have another go at being happy.
I think I could do it right this time.
Maybe.
But I don't even know.
I can't be happy being second best, I know that.
And that's all I seem to be at the moment.
And I doubt that will change...it can't.
Regardless of the outcome someone else,
Will always be chosen over me.
Even if it doesn't exactly look like it.

I get why I'm second best.
I'm loud.
I'm blunt.
I like to pretend that people can read my mind,
Then get upset when they can't.
I'm annoying.
I'm easily lonely.
I like to take something beautiful and tear it to pieces,
Then I cry over the remains.
I get why I'm second best.

I listen to songs on loop.
Songs that we sang together,
Complaining that we couldn't see the stars,
Promising to camp out in your garden and watch the sky sparkle.
But we didn't.

My favourite book is Catcher in the Rye.
Nothing happens, really.
It's just thoughts, an extract of a life.
We don't get all the answers,
Like what Jane's step father did to make her cry.
You just get a sense of despair, and lost hope.
Holden hates everything.
But he wants to make a difference.
I like that about him.
He doesn't know how to make a difference.

There's a wall that's been put up somewhere along the way.
I can't remember if I built it or not,
And it's tall.
But it's also thin.
But…it's only fallen once.
And then the swarm came. Death followed.
The last time I tried to break it down,
Fear took hold and I dropped my tools.

I've kept my distance since then.
It's probably a good thing.



I'll always be second best.
No matter what people say.
I can tell by the look in your eyes.

And I wonder,
When I sing along with you.
If everything could ever feel this real forever.
If anything could ever be this good again.
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:iconebrethil:
Ebrethil Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
How come I only see this now? D:
Reply
:iconspuffy12:
Spuffy12 Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Nicely done :3
And I know the feeling.
Reply
:iconfarafay:
FARAFAY Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2010
Things will get better. You're THE BEST to me!!! :D
Reply
:iconzeii:
zeii Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2010   Writer
.... that hit home. mad props ^^
Reply
:iconyear-of-the-cat-girl:
Year-Of-The-Cat-Girl Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2010  Student Photographer
Thanks =]
Reply
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